So yesterday was my big race, Edinburgh marathon. The one I’ve been preparing for all this year.

And, spoiler alert, I didn’t get to finish.

What happened

So I’ve been injured for about 4 weeks now with my right glute. I’ve been working hard to get to the start line, resting and visiting the physio. I felt like I could do this.

Race day came and I didn’t feel amazing. I wasn’t sure if I should start at all. But the pain relief kicked in and the physio warm up exercises was working and I felt OK! I’d also taped up my glute with KT tape.

I gave myself two miles, if I didn’t feel good after two miles I would stop.

I set off and I felt fine, it was there but not uncomfortable. So I held myself back and took things steady.

Two miles turned into 10k and I was feeling confident.

Until I headed into the 8th mile. My glute was fine, but my hip started to ache. I wasn’t lifting my legs up properly. When I mentally went through my running form cues to correct my form, my hip angrily protested.

Shit.

Let’s just get to 10 miles and we’ll see how we get on.

My run was turning into a shuffle and my back started aching. I was getting angry at the amount of speed bumps they were on route and having to run over a bridge.

Which isn’t like me, I LOVE running over bridges. But it was hurting.

I got to mile 10.

Now I probably should have stopped here, but I was ONLY 5k from getting halfway.

I started walking, updating friends with what I was doing.

I then shuffled for a bit, smiling at how kind everyone was. I was hoping to maybe get to 15 miles but by mile 11 I realised my legs might not even make it halfway. My right calf started hurting. Will my legs make it?

They did. I crossed the half marathon timing thing and moved to the side. I stopped my watch and let the marshal know I was dropping out.

I was expecting to cry and feel like a failure.

But I didn’t.

I can proudly say that I tried absolutely everything, there are no excuses to hide behind because I did beyond my best to reach that finish line.

A twatty ‘influencer’ on Instagram came up on my feed last week saying people don’t reach their goals because they didn’t want it enough or put the effort in. Bullshit.

I gave it everything I had but there was nothing I could do. It wasn’t my day.

And why didn’t I cry? Well, deep down I knew there was a possibility I wouldn’t finish the race. I’ve cried a lot in the last few weeks. I got it out of my system and then focused on trying to get better.

So why bother?

What if the pain didn’t kick in until mile 20? What if it ended up going completely during the race?

I would have spent so much time asking myself what if and it would have annoyed me.

At least this way I know exactly where I stand. I now know that being at the back of a marathon is actually a good time. Well, despite being in pain!

The crowds were as just as enthusiastic and the runners are working just as hard. So that’s one fear ticked off.

What’s next?

Well, recovery obviously!

I do still want to run a marathon and I will, but it won’t be this year.

Marathon training is brutal and I don’t want to rush back into it to do an autumn one.

So it’ll be sometime next year, hopefully get into London…!

I also want to recover for Royal parks half marathon in October. I ran it last year injured so I’d like to run it pain free this time.

Lots to think about but I’m now back home with my kitten and have tomorrow off work. It’s not all bad.